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Sanwo-Olu: The Reality TV Star – Duke of Somolu

Our Governor is a TV star in the mould of the Kardashians. His TV presence is remarkable and you never miss it.

Scurrying around the metropolis and catching people driving one way on live TV, inspecting huge projects on live TV and doing so many gubernatorial things all over the place with his make up artists and TV crew complete.

Who is to blame him especially at these times of social media where everybody is a reporter and everybody is telling stories. Is it not better as Governor to carry your own team and tell your own story before they come and be saying you are pointing fingers all over the place?

That is how the next episode was to be shot at Magodo. Those ones have been having sleepless nights as a result of a detachment of hungry and angry looking policemen suddenly appearing in their estate.

For two weeks they stayed there, not having their baths and masturbating to release tension from the boredom of watching rich Yoruba men drive cars they will never drive in their lifetimes all in the name of being on standby to demolish beautiful Yoruba mansions.

That is how the people of Magodo being tired of sleeping with their wives with one eye at the door hoping the wrecking balls will not commence now took to the gates to protest.

I have never seen this one before. The ‘enemy’ was already inside the Estate and we now faced the main gates and locked them with the hungry-looking policemen inside.

Anyways, this caught the attention of our reality TV star Governor who said oya, it’s time for Super Jide to fly in and make a rescue.

He moved in, bringing along his recently promoted but humbled CP who tried to hide under one big transparent face shield hoping that the Magodo brooks people will not recognize him.

Remember he had just shot his own skit some few days ago so to avoid any embarrassment he tucked in the apology letter from the cowardly Chairman of BOT in his back pocket and stood there very quietly behind ‘RMD’ as he struggled for good TV ratings.

Jide did well. I always love him in that space. The TV was sending live feed all over the world and his confidence grew by the moment.

Everybody calm down he said. Wondering if the make-up was well done. The last time, they didn’t quite get it. He didn’t like the way he looked when he was speaking to the woman who was trying to justify driving one way.

Anyways this was Magodo, he had just saved the place from being turned into one huge IDP camp so he had to enjoy the moment.

He spoke glowingly and passionately. The people listened, he could feel the energy and he could sense that the people were lapping it all up.

He was the best Governor at this moment. Who was Jagaban, who was Babakekere, this was the best Governor speaking to his people who absolutely loved him.

Then wahala. His director now whispered onto his ear – oya engage the CSP, instruct him to stand down so that the TV ratings will hit the roof.

Jide looked at his director, are you sure? He asked. That one said yes na. Didn’t you see Wike do it in Rivers and that is why that one is walking around like Iron Mike Tyson, abeg do it.

But wait, let’s apply more make-up and let the camera be better positioned. Oya action.

Who is your oga? He asked and how many are you?

Something is wrong o. The CSP looked at him squarely and said,’ I don’t know and No I will not stand down’.

Someone had forgotten to tell Jide that this was not LASTMA or that other one that Ambode formed with tear tear uniform that will be riding bicycle and carrying touch light o.

Wahala on Live TV. The camera is too far to shut down. This goro munching idiot wants to embarrass me o. Where is this CP that they just promoted, can’t he put mouth.

CP at that moment saw the gateman of Magodo brooks and he dodge. He didn’t want trouble again so he dodged and couldn’t put his mouth for Jide wahala.

Jide says ok. Let me try one more time and chance this mallam in uniform

I say call your oga now. Tell him you are standing in front of His Excellency or else I will knock you.

The policeman that didn’t go to police College and as such didn’t understand the superiority of civil force over him and his oga, responded – look I don’t know who you are and you can’t be talking to an officer like this because you were brown guinea brocade.

Look, do not disturb me. If you have my oga number, you call him for me leave me alone.

By this time Jide had started sweating and the make-up had started falling from his face.

He whispered to the AG beside him ‘ kila ma tishe bayi’ Bobo mallam nyi fe embarrass wa’.

AG with the Bowtie, wey no like trouble say, ‘ oga let’s enter staff bus and make the call’.

Malami, why is your man embarrassing me like this na. See as he is talking to me in front of Magodo people. You know those Magodo people talk too much. Why. I don’t like these o.

Malami responded,’ my brother Jide don’t vex. You know this IG get as he be. Leave am I will sort it.

Jide responded oya better sort it o. You know I know we’re to catch you.

He drops the phone and asks his director, is there a way we can delete this episode, I am not happy.

Director say, Sir, you know it’s live TV as you were engaging, it was going out live but don’t worry, let’s appear in LASU tomorrow and sing some Aluta songs again with those student union people and this Magodo episode will be forgotten.

Jide screamed, Brilliant oya what will I wear…..

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Joseph Edgar
Joseph Edgar is an Investment banker and Columnist with Thisday and DailyTimes newspapers. He is witty and is a hilarious writer.
http://insidemainland.com