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#DukeOfSomolu: Sex in marriages

I can safely say that sex in most marriages is dead.  This is the honest to God truth.  Today, if as a married couple you get in d sack for at least twice a month, count yourself lucky.

This has led to the lack of cohesion in most marriages, frustration and eventually strife.

I think the problem lies with our men. We have not been all brought up well as we fail to understand the complexities of our women. Do we take our time to ask them what they want? Do we even care to find out what their challenges are?

We have been brought up as all conquering heroes to knack and do anyhow.

Today we face a crisis.  Our women are now getting more confident; they now know what they want in and out of bed and whether you can give it to them or not they will get it.

When I was producing my play 3SOME, I found out that the demand for vibrators have gone up by 1000%. So today our rivals are now that huge plastic thing that never tires after 5 minutes; that won’t turn and sleep off after a 2 minute romp; that won’t slap and hit if he is refused just because she just came out of a horrendous third mainland traffic.

Women are forming WhatsApp sex groups teaching themselves things and exchanging experiences. Getting better empowered when we are busy watching premiership.

I think we should reorder our priorities as men and begin to see the woman differently.

A woman is a complicated and most sophisticated being ever created by God. She is imbued with the intuition of an advanced Robot and can smell you miles away.

She is in charge but pretends so that you can continue fooling yourself that you are the boss until one day the painful realization hits you that you were just a foolish pipe used to bare babies.

Guys, if you are not having sex at least once a week, your marriage is DEAD. Begin to look into every drawer or every closet and you will see your replacement hiding there waiting to be called upon to do your task.

Sad but the truth. Vibrators are now the ‘men’ of the house. Sad.

Men on the other hand are growing more childish as they advance in age. They grow ugly pot bellies, losing stamina and girth. For them, a 5 minute romp is enough to hold the woman for six months.

As if that was not bad enough, they now focus attention on the teenage girls who could not care less about their sexual needs as long as this buffoon of a Daddy takes care of their material needs that must come after the two minute opening of their tiny legs.



Joseph Edgar
Joseph Edgar is an Investment banker and Columnist with Thisday and DailyTimes newspapers. He is witty and is a hilarious writer.