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#DukeOfSomolu: A Father’s Day story

So I went to my son’s school yesterday and it was graduation day.

The children were very pretty and well behaved. The school had done a good job in mentoring them and making sure they came out as good citizens.

As the event wore on, I noticed a group of young girls staring at me. They will giggle and point and giggle again.

They were very beautiful and would make strong women In the future but for now, i was  only interested in catching my friend and brother victor who was upset with me over election matter.

The girls, four in number kept staring and talking about me. Which kind problem is this i asked myself. These girls want to turn me to pedophile o. Why are they staring and admiring a man older than their principal.

I decided to ignore them and face the task of talking to my boy who was really in tears from home sickness

Then it happened. One of them broke out and walked up to me. As she was coming I felt her presence. Her young delicate beauty daring and taunting me to do the needful.

What kind of temptation is this. Would I fall and embarrass myself in this place but why would the devil send a light skinned, curvy angel barely in her teens with tell tale signs of pimples to come and tempt me. Was my weakness for such apparitions so obvious that they have chosen to disgrace me in front of over 1,000 parents.

Well, she got to me and greeted me. I looked at her and her eyes were hazel blue.  The firmness of her youth staring at me and daring me to touch and with the confidence of a mocking bird she looked deep into my eyes in an attempt to suck out my soul for a journey into space where there are no limiting age barrier rules.

Sorry sir, she began. Are you the Duke of Shomolu? The one who writes for ThisDay? I smiled and told my son to go and play. He didn’t need a school mother from this one. I was the one that  needed the school mother. The stupid boy refused to go.

She repeated are you the Duke of Shomolu we have been arguing. I smiled like Wole Soyinla receiving the Nobel prize.’ Yes I am’ I answered. She smiled and called her friends and they gathered.

Mbok their beauty was something to behold. They were perfect like the Angel’s they named Los Angeles after.

In a deep baritone voice even I did not recognise I answered,  ‘ yes I am He’ completing it with a Barry White laugh. I felt like David Beckham and these young girls were madly in love.

They were members of the literary and Debating society and their teacher had told them that one of the finest writers in the country was a parent and that they should look out for him cos he always wore shorts with a leg chain to school.

I didn’t disappoint them. I was in shorts and leg chains and that was how I was identified and captured.

I was dragged to one corner and questions were fired from all angles. I counted 6000 questions and they did not even give me the time to answer even one as they threw the questions like little darts at me.

Why ‘Loud whispers’, are you angry at society, why the leg chain, why did u stop combing your Hair, why the Duke of Shomolu, why your stance against homosexuality, are u an eccentric are you truly mad? The questions kept coming up.

Would they appear in my new book. They had finished reading my last book, the teacher gave them and the humour was madddd. Why are you who u are and what is life.

The only question I could answer was why the leg chain? I looked at them intently, told them to listen carefully and not say a word as I was about to answer the question why the leg chain because the answer will define them and better position them for life out there.

As I looked into their wonderful eyes. Reeking of hunger, i could feel them holding their breath waiting for the answer from their god, the hall went silent and there was no movement as they waited….

Just because‘ that was the answer they were waiting for. I wear a leg chain just because I can. Simple.

That is it. That is life. No fear, no limitation, just you. That’s it. Just because.

As I drove back to Lagos I look back at those girls and thank God for the curiosity of the next generation. They will do it for us just because they can.

All hope not yet lost.



Joseph Edgar
Joseph Edgar is an Investment banker and Columnist with Thisday and DailyTimes newspapers. He is witty and is a hilarious writer.