Home > Your say > Guy code 401: How to dodge the Valentine bullet – #DukeOfSomolu

Guy code 401: How to dodge the Valentine bullet – #DukeOfSomolu

Today is usually a terrible day for cheats, those with multiple lovers. How for God’s sake would one divide oneself into two or in some cases five in a crazy bid to satisfy all responsibilities? These stupid Oyinbo people have now gone to sell this date so powerfully that every woman wants to feel special on the same day. They should have made Valentine like five times in a month or even cancel the whole thing sef. Too much headache.

Some people have been known to declare the day work-free day so that they can resume the beat from 8:00 am and build a trail of debauchery all over Lagos Mainland and ending up with the most special around 10: 00 pm. That is if you do not run into a bath of acid.

You see both sexes look forward to today with different reasons. The females are looking forward to the attention, gifts and validation that they are truly the special one, while the guys dread the day because of the headache of managing the people, time and the ever central smartphones which are in themselves a tool for the efficient management of affairs but when not properly handled can lead to death.

My advice for the great paramour of our time is to disable the phone, two days to valentine day, so that nobody will attempt to video call you while you are on a date with number three. Then feign illness, rub lime in your eyes so that they turn really red and then say you have been ordered to get bed rest, but in so doing make sure your address is not known before you receive visits from some very desperate ones that you had just popped their cherries last week for the first time.

My brothers this Valentine is just a frustrating day I tell you. Apart from the demands on your wallet, it will expose you to real threats and danger to your life. The way these women take this thing with all seriousness really disturbs me. Like, they do not have other pressing things to do with their lives?

It cuts across the whole spectrum o, you will be seeing a mother of five with flabby breast looking for valentine gift and the really young ones will also be disturbing you. Why, simply because you have gone to eat out of fruit that you do not even have exclusivity over. Now you have to go and break the bank to reward them.

For me, I am in church. As a devout Catholic today is Ash Wednesday and our fasting commences. What a perfect day to commence fasting. I will be in Mass from 6:00 pm till 10:00 pm and will disable my phone so that I can concentrate in full supplication to my Lord and master who truly deserves all of today’s attention.

Thank you.

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Joseph Edgar
Joseph Edgar is an Investment banker and Columnist with Thisday and DailyTimes newspapers. He is witty and is a hilarious writer.
http://insidemainland.com