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#TemieSpeaks: Before 30: The Race To ‘I Do’

Sometimes I wonder who created the yardstick to measure when it is considered late or early to get hitched. I mean for the female folks at least. The men don’t seem to have a problem. I stand to be corrected but I think the older they get, the more eligible they become especially to ladies that aren’t looking for long-term courtship.

Once a woman gets to her mid-20s and there is no serious ‘bobo’ on her case, she begins to panic. The race to the altar begins even though there are no competitors or race tracks; all we know is that there is a finish line – The Altar. The woman’s biological clock begins to tick louder. This is the time that women begin to lower their standards no matter how low there already were. We settle for less thinking that would get us a man quicker and sometimes it does. But then what quality of marriage would you get? That is a topic for another day.

From the time we were girls, our mothers have raised us to be wives or at least wife material so when Mr. Right comes knocking, we have all the ingredients to make a happy home. We cook, we clean, we do house chores even when we don’t feel like. What our mothers didn’t tell us was that finding Mr. Right was not so easy. They didn’t prepare us for the race.

So here we are, almost 30 and tensed. Almost 30 and anxious. However, one thing our mothers remember to resound in our ears was that we should marry on time, “have those babies when your body can still take the pressure,” “it is not wise for a woman to have kids late in her 30s,” “I had you when I was 22” and it goes on and on like that. Story of my life you would say.

Our mothers, aunties (at least the married ones) and the society at large have put women under the ‘Before 30’ pressure. Getting married before 30 has become an awesome achievement and any woman that makes this deadline considers herself to have achieved an incredible feat. Sometimes, many times, women that have achieved this mark tend to make the single ones feel inferior.

Some of them start to make friends with other married women, like suddenly their single friends have become a virus about to infect them with the disease of failure or lack of seriousness or whatever the case might be in their silly heads. I mean no disrespect but single ladies, you know what I mean; many of us have them.

There are times we don’t feel the pressure the society puts us under but we just set a target for ourselves on when we want to take that walk down the aisle. Whatever the case may be, the ‘Before 30’ race still stands and affects every woman that falls within this category.

One thing we should all bear in mind is that, if we waited this long, we had better be doing it right. What is the point of the time when we won’t marry well? The time taken is not for us to lower our standards so the next Mr. Wrong can come along. No. The time is for us to open our eyes, find the one that makes us happy, the one that accepts us flaws and all. That man that we love, not just a man that loves us. Finally, a man we can be proud of not a man we just settle for. We are supposed to have learned from our previous relationships, after all, there is no better teacher than experience itself

You might make the Before 30 target, and you might not. If you don’t, you are not a failure. Don’t be scared, live a happy single life while you can. Enjoy where you are. Marriage is not all it is cracked up to be, I know many married people and I know it comes with its own challenges as expected just as it is filled with bliss as well.

You will soon be married, you have just a little while as a bachelorette so start counting down, keep your options open, open your eyes, only lower your standards if they are outrageous, don’t allow society, that aunty or your mom (yes, your mother) and co-workers (story for another day) pressure you into making a bad hasty decision, know what you really want and go for it.

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One thought on “#TemieSpeaks: Before 30: The Race To ‘I Do’

  1. What if the opportunity presented itself (to marry) but as ladies in their prime, they get selective and standardize men missing out on the right man. Sometimes a reaction is just an accumulated set of acts.

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