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#TemieSpeaks: She’s My Sister, Not My Competition

Ladies, let’s have a heart-to-heart. Many of us, if not all have once expressed how we want to see all our friends and other ladies win; we express how we do not see them as competition but sisters. We usually do this on social media more than we demonstrate it in reality. To be honest, I consider this as one of social media charades. Many of us say it, only few mean it. I am not being cynical, I only speak the truth. Search yourself.

Someone once made this statement in my presence: “I want her to succeed and do very well in life but not better than me.” I cannot remember who the person that said it was but the words stuck with me. I can recall that I did not ask the person the motive behind the statement. It only got me thinking. I began to wonder how many of us really mean the words, “she’s my sister, not my competition.” It felt unsettling.

I began to think how and when it got to this. Why should another woman’s shine disturb mine? Is there a prize we are competing for? What exactly is the competition? I always knew the ‘she is my sister, not my competition’ crap was all a lie; that encounter only reinforced my belief.

Long gone were the days when ladies go all out to look good in order to get video-poker men’s attention; getting the weave right, the Gucci purse and Christian Louboutin shoes and always looking flawless. Men, don’t flatter yourself, it’s not just for you anymore, it’s to make other women jealous. It sounds ridiculous but it is true.

It has gotten so bad that some women don’t want their friends to get married before they do. They want to be the first to be married. I wonder what this means. I wonder if they are afraid their friends will pick the best and leave them with trash. Maybe they are just so competitive that they always want to be the first and maybe the only at everything. Such a shame.

When I think of this supposed non-existent competition, I think of high school and I compare it to college. In high school, the competition was real and necessary. You needed to be better than the next person to avoid some serious reproach at the end of the term when you go home with that report card. You wanted to come first in class if you could. That was real competition.

College, on the other hand is different. My As don’t affect your As or lack of it. There are many As to go around. Everyone can finish with a first class if they work for it. That is the way I see this meaningless competition ladies have unknowingly engaged in.

Our society and social media have not made things any better. The society has gradually become the type that promotes female rivalry directly or indirectly. They want to see us fight and disagree. Girl fight has become a thing of entertainment. They won’t try to stop us; they want to see us strip each other naked. That is what unhealthy competition does to people. We stripe each other naked of what is left of our dignity.

This is not high school anymore. Like our old ones would say, “the sky is wide enough for all birds to fly without brushing wings.” Like college, there are enough As to go around, you will get yours if you work for it. We do not need to hate anyone or hold anyone back so we can get to and remain at the top. Wouldn’t you get lonely being up there all by yourself?

I want to see a society that promotes female solidarity, healthy completion; not rivalry, blind and unhealthy antagonism. If you do not support your fellow woman and her dreams and achievements, don’t act like you do. Show your true colors.

And to all the graceful, genuine and true ladies out there, thank you for your wonderful hearts. Sisters have to stick together, no competition or hate. Just love. I mean it when I say, “you are my sister not my competition.”



Idris Aina
Idris is a media and communications professional with keen attention to details. An entertainment enthusiast, he is an ardent fan of the team from the Red Side of Manchester with love for football banters. He tweets with the handle @arlomah.