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Temie Speaks: Husband or Sperm Donor?

Back in the days, women (our mothers) would do anything to keep their marriages and strive to make it work. They endured a lot of hardship just to remain married. Some did it because of their children, others might have endured because they needed to remain Mrs. Somebody. Whatever their reasons were, these strong superwomen stayed married no matter the cost. Their husbands (our fathers) were either cheats or physical and verbal abusers, or all of the above, you name it.

Women back in those days might be independent and successful but they never own up to it, some gave up all they had then to get a man out of fear that they might not be able to get a man otherwise. They did not want him to get intimidated by their car(s), job, house and any other form of accomplishment. Some women back then that were not strong enough to endure so they got divorced. The others persevered even till this very moment. You know them, our mothers, some of our aunties.

Personally, I did not have the privilege of seeing my parents married to each other; they got separated before I was old enough to speak. However, I learned from my step-mum, the superwoman that raised me. She put up with a lot just as I am sure many of you can attest to concerning your parents. Many of our mothers have developed and still suffering from high blood pressure, no thanks to their husbands. Some have lost their lives as a result.

After watching our mothers struggle with the hardship of keeping their marriages together for so long, women of nowadays have come to a new resolution. It is an unspoken plot. Every woman that wants to keep her sanity in marriage knows this- “If he is not going to be a husband in the true sense of the word, he might as well be a sperm donor and will be treated as such.” I have been watching this trend for years now and I’ve been studying several marriages in the meantime. This is the bitter truth that some women, married or single might not want to face.

Some years ago, I went to visit my then boyfriend and his mother happened to be home. We sat together and talked while I waited for my boyfriend. After we spoke about my step-mom who by then was eventually separated from my dad, the woman gave me an advice that I will always remember. Maybe because it is the same thing my step-mother always told me and my sisters. She said: “when you get married, focus on your kids, they are all you have, don’t bother about everything your husband does if you don’t want to die young.” That was coming from my boyfriend’s mother. Isn’t that crazy?

This is why women nowadays have resolved to several methods. There are some women that will carry the title of Mrs. Somebody but they are actually not living the title. They have come to terms with whatever mess or otherwise, their marriages have become and made their children their priority and joy. Many of these women knew the mess they were walking into when they said ‘I do’ but they wanted to be off the single market as quickly as possible and start popping their babies. They have decided to carry the cross their marriages bring, good or bad. They also intend to stay in the marriage for as long as the man allows them. It might be till death do them part, or not.

There are some set of women who just walked into the marriage to have kids. They plan to walk out once the man starts acting up so long as they have gotten all the kids they desire. These women do not have the time to put up with any nonsense. They love life and do not believe they should be subjected to any hardship or risks in order to maintain the title of Mrs. Somebody. They only use the men as sperm donors from the get-go.

Some women don’t bother getting married. They don’t care being chastised by society for having kids out of wedlock. All they want from the man is the baby. Once they have the baby, the relationship is as good as over. The category is uncommon, but they do exist.

There is also a special group of women who have decided to freeze their eggs, just in case they do not find ‘the one’ before they hit menopause and have no eggs left. This is a smart and proactive way to go. These women save themselves the grief of a terrible marriage. They plan to wait for as long as it takes to find the right man and freeze their eggs in the meantime. If they never find ‘the one’ during the time frame they allocated, they get a sperm donor, literally, to fertilize their eggs. In nine months, they are proud mothers just like everyone else. These women are similar to those that don’t freeze their eggs but still get sperm donors and get pregnant through artificial insemination. No man, no marriage, no trouble.

All these women are independent women that can survive without men. They do not need to hide their accomplishments unlike our mothers; they do not mind intimidating the men if they are not strong enough. Unlike our mothers, some women do not mind not being called Mrs. Somebody especially if they have tried. They are more than capable of taking care of their kids by themselves.

All these, by no means is promoting divorce or single parenthood, but if it is what it takes to maintain sanity and peace of mind, then, by all means, women should do what they have to do. This is just basically the truth and reality the society needs to face.  I am also not belittling our mothers in any way; they are our heroes, the strongest breed of God’s creation.


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